Sunday, January 15, 2012

Get with the program

"Get with the program", a phrase I have heard from my parents my whole life. It means, wake up and make something of yourself. Truth is my parents think I'm a time waster. Someone who does nothing. I love my games, but they think of them as pathetic toys or brutal killing sims.
I admit I spend a lot of time playing them, but not once have they ever asked me why. Everytime I go throguh a rough patch in my life I fill it with a game, and they just get sick of it and start rolling out the lectures that makes just want to scream and crawl up somewhere dark.

"You flicker and you're Beautifull"

I'm not in a good place and a talk with a friend who I have never confided in before (He knew a bit about me though) helped me realise this last night.
You know how it feels to be rejected. To feel like someone sliced your heart out, stomped on it and then left you to try and put it back together. Human Beings are resilient creatures, we all face this experience at least once in our lives and yet we come back for more. Amazing.

"You glow inside my head"

I recently had to do it to myself, it was hard but it saved someone else the discomfort of doing it themselves. I've been trying to convince myself I'm ok but I cried the first four night in a row, one of them at someone elses house with my best mates. I now realise, I'm not ok, I'm numbing myself with games and that helps but it starts to bring around the other problem. No longer being with the program. Not once have my parents thought to ask if things are alright.

"You hold me hypnotized"

Anyway, I'm glad I have my friends, they have my back and know whats going on, mostly... Also they have their own shit. I like hearing their problems, it helps me forget mine.

"I'm mezmerized"

So here I a, cleaning up my own heart after I persinally dumped it n the floor. This is the first time in thirteen years that I haven't had an emotional attachment to anyone. I feel empty without it. If I don't watch out I'll attach to the last person who may not have rejected me. I need to move forward. "With a little help from my friends."

Monday, January 2, 2012


Yeah, it's a boring blog title but I thought the date looked kinda cool, with its ones, twos and zeros. By the way if your reading this from the USA, we have our date Day/Month/Year it makes sense to us with the smallest thing first.

So 2012 rolled in quietly for me, just watched some telly with my parents 'till 12 and then went to bed because I was very tired from staying up late (All night) playing games with friends the night before. Since then nothing seems to have changed, 2012 so far is the same as 2011. I have some hopes for the year though, my resolution is to have my first kiss this year so watch out ladies. I have a busy year at Uni coming up, so I have to try and keep on top of it all.

Last but not least is the fact that I still don't have a job. This is becoming serious, I'm willing to work anywhere at this point. The job will have to comence because I want to get a job before Uni and save some money up before I start.

More useless information about my life coming soon!